There is a reason why we have two ears and only one mouth. It's so that we can listen more than we talk. We never learn things when we speak because what comes out of our mouths are things we already know. However, when we listen, we can learn an awful lot.

Okay, so why do we want to be a good listener as far as our boss is concerned? There are several reasons, many relating to some of the things we've already discussed in this series.

For starters, by listening to what your boss says, you get an insight into his actual character. People say certain things depending on the kind of person they are. A defensive person will act one way when confronted. An irrational person will act another way. Learn to hear what your boss is saying so that you can get an idea of what kind of person they are. That is your foundation for dealing with your boss further down the road.

Let's now take the tactic of getting your boss to agree with you. In order to do this, you need to find out what is weak spots are, assuming he has any. The only way to do this is to listen to what he says. For example, let's say a weakness of your boss is that he's getting close to retirement and says things like "I'm 5 years from a gold watch. I don't need to have to deal with idiots like you." Most people will focus on the fact that they were just called an idiot. YOU should focus on that he is looking forward to retirement and find a way to appeal to that side. You can only do that by listening.

In throwing down the challenge, prior to this, your boss probably gave you all the reasons why things have to be done HIS way. In order to counter this, you have to listen to what those reasons are. That way, it gives you the ammo you need to write out your counter proposal.

Bottom line is this. If you don't listen, you can't develop a plan of attack for winning your boss over.

Now lets put all of this together into a coherent plan of attack.

Absolutely the very first thing you need to do, regardless of your work situation, is to listen to what your boss says. You need to understand how your boss thinks and what pushes his buttons. What's important to him? With some bosses, it's all about the power. With others, all they want is a paycheck. With some, it's security and an employee's incompetence could jeopardize that security, which is what might cause the boss to lash out. Whatever the reason, you need to listen to your boss and observe his actions in order to figure out how to deal with him.

Once you've done that, everything that comes next is dependent on what you've just learned. If it turns out that your boss is on a power trip, you might need to pull out the challenge. Tell him that you'd like a chance to do it YOUR way and if it doesn't work, you'll leave or do whatever he wants. This can give him a lot of power over you if he's right and most likely, he'll take you up on your offer.

If you're boss seems insecure, get to know him as a person. Talk about his family. Ask him what his interests are. Appeal to him as a fellow human being rather than as an employee. Some people won't respond to this, but unless the guy is an absolute monster, there is a good chance that he'll come around.

Whatever you find out from listening, don't argue with your boss. It's not going to lead anywhere good. Put together a rational plan of discussion. Ask questions. Get to the bottom of what it is your boss REALLY wants.

Ultimately, this comes down to developing people skills. If most people would just stop and think before they opened their mouths, most problems could be avoided.

However, if the relationship with your boss has already reached the point of no return, you need to know what your worker's rights are and how to get the most out of them.

Nobody should have to put up with an abusive boss.