Leda lay in her marriage-bed staring at the ceiling. Her husband Tyndareus, the king of Sparta was snoring beside her. Languorously she ran her hands down her body, feeling her full breasts and slender waist. She was young, she was beautiful, and she was in the first flush of womanhood so why was her husband not interested in her? The aging king was too preoccupied with the affairs of state to spend time on affairs of the flesh.

 

Frustration kept Leda awake far into the night, but when she eventually fell asleep she had a wonderful dream. The great god Zeus appeared to her. He was magnificent, with a full beard and shoulder-length hair. His loose toga revealed a well-muscled chest. He smiled at Leda and his smile revealed perfect, gleaming-white teeth.

 

“I have chosen you among all mortal women to be my lover,” he said.

 

In her dream Leda bowed low to the god and expressed her gratitude at the honour that had been bestowed upon her.

 

“Meet me at dawn beside the lake in the palace grounds,” he said.

 

Leda woke to see the first pale flush of dawn lighting the sky. She hurried down to the lake. Half of her felt that she was behaving foolishly but the other half was trembling with excited anticipation that Zeus would appear and become her lover.

 

The dew-sodden grass was cold against her bare feet. Leda shivered and wrapped her arms around her body. She wished she had paused long enough to put on a warm cloak but she had been anxious not to keep the god waiting.

 

The sun rose in the sky. It was early morning. Zeus was obviously not so bothered about keeping her waiting. Perhaps she had been foolish to believe her dream. She was about to go back to the palace when she saw black clouds gather at the far end of the lake.

 

A small localised thunderstorm raged over the lake. Lightening flashed and then a great white swan came swimming out of the blackness. Leda watched in astonishment as the swan came towards her, got out of the lake and waddled up the bank. Behind it, the thunderstorm disappeared as quickly as it had come.

 

The swan opened it beak and squawked “Hi there Leda.”

 

“Zeus?”

 

“You’d better believe it baby.”

 

“But why have you come to me as a swan?”

 

“Hey, it’s a cunning plan – you don’t want your husband to see you making love to a god do you?”

 

“What? You think he’d rather see me making love to a swan? Anyway it wouldn’t bother him – he’s more interested in his stupid paperwork.”

 

“Yea? Well, you’re not the only one who’s married babe. I tell you, Hera would do her nut if she found out.”

 

Leda looked at the swan speculatively. “How can we make love? I mean – is it possible?”

 

“There’s only one way to find out babe – go behind those bushes and get ready for me.”

 

Leda went behind the bushes and lay on the grass. There was more warmth in the sun now and the dew had gone. The swan followed her looking back over its shoulder nervously.

 

“Yea, we should be OK here, babe. Comfy?”

 

Leda nodded her assent and the swan picked up the hem of her nightdress with its beak. It tried to pull it up over her legs but the fine material kept slipping, out of its bill.

 

“Help me here,” he said.

 

Leda obligingly leant forwards and pulled her nightdress up, exposing her body to the waist.

 

“Wow, great nest,” he said “One could lay a few eggs in that.”

 

He jumped onto her thighs, his huge webbed feet flattening her delicate flesh.

 

“Ouch,” she protested, but he took no notice. He forced her legs apart until his wet feathery stomach was p

ressed against her private parts.

 

He bumped against her, sending ripples of pleasure through her abdomen.

 

Oh wow, she thought, this was going to be good. She opened her arms wide. “I’m ready for you, darling,” she said. “Come and take me.”

 

Nothing happened. She opened her eyes. The swan was standing beside her preening.

 

“I am ready for you,” she said in a husky voice.

 

“What?” He looked up from his task his boot-button eyes regarding her blankly. “What do you mean you’re ready for me? I’ve finished.”

 

“You can’t have finished,” she said. “That was just a bit of foreplay.”

 

The swan looked affronted. “It may have been foreplay to you babe, but to me it was the whole shebang.”

 

“Oh no,” she moaned, her body aching for fulfilment. “That can’t be it. Please penetrate me, fill me with your manhood.”

 

“Manhood? That’s the trouble babe. Swans don’t have a manhood – just a hole.”

 

“What do you mean?” She sat up and glared at him.

 

“They just rub holes together. Hey don’t blame me babe, bird anatomy was never my strong point, well not that sort of bird anyway,” he said with a grin that sent Leda’s annoyance level up to steaming. “Tell you what babe,” he said. “Next time I’ll come as a bull.”

 

Leda cheered up. “Hey, that would be great.”

 

“Yea? Well, it will be for my next dalliance. I’m afraid you’ve had your lot babe. You are already impregnated.”

 

Leda stared at him in horror. “You mean I’m pregnant.”

 

“Yep,” he gave her a lopsided leer. “Up the spout, buns in the oven. It may have been just foreplay to you babe but, wow, are we swans fertile.”

 

“Oh my god,” moaned Leda. “What if the baby has webbed feet or a beak or is covered in feathers.” Her voice rose higher as the awful scenarios presented themselves.

 

“Give me a break Leda,” said Zeus crossly.  “I am a god, remember? This swan thing is just a disguise.”

 

Another thought was troubling Leda. “What will my husband say?”

 

“The poor sap will be only too delighted,” said Zeus, “all you have to do is pretend they are his.”

 

“They?” echoed Leda. “How many babies are there?”

 

The swan lifted its beak to the sky as if listening to an oracle. “Four,” he said at last.

 

“Four? I don’t believe it – have you any idea what it will do to my figure to be pregnant with four children at once?”

 

The swan shrugged its shoulders, spreading its wings apologetically. “Sorry babe. As I said, we swans are fertile. Oh – and there’s one other thing?”

 

“What?”

 

He noticed the fury with which she was glaring at him and hesitated. Just then a dark cloud passed over their heads.

 

“Whoops – here comes my chariot. Sorry babe I’ve got to go. Thanks for the shag – I really enjoyed it.”

 

 He gave her a peck on the cheek and then he was gone, speeding across the lake as fast as his webbed feet could paddle.

 

***

 

Nine months later the palace rang to the sound of Leda’s screams. That evening the astonished king was informed that his wife had given birth to four enormous eggs.