1) Broken biscuits contain no calories. They leak out.

2) A diet coke cancels out a Mars bar. The anti-calories in the coke counteract the calories in the Mars bar.
The same principle applies with low-fat chocolate bars and ordinary soft drinks.

3) The salad on the side of your plate cancels out half the calories from your meal. If you actually eat it it cancels out all the calories.

4) Food that you have to eat because no-one else wants it contains no calories. They have leaked out the bottom in the time it has been waiting for an eater.

5) Whisky contains no calories. It can be used for medicinal purposes and medicine, being good for you, cannot contain calories.

6) Wine contains no calories. It lowers cholesterol and cholesterol, being a big word, cancels out calories (if said in a confid

7) The walk to the chip shop cancels out at least half a bag of chips.

8) Hot chocolate contains no calories on cold days - they float off in the steam.

9) Butter doesn't contain any fat if spread on brown bread.

10) Chocolate taken as anti-stress medication does not contain fat or calories.  

11) Chocolate which has melted and re-set contains no calories. They rise to the surface of the fluid and stick to the wrapper.

12) If you eat part of someone else's cake, dessert, etc., all the calories stay in the main body of the food. This is known as the peripheral principle.

13) If you think hard about which item on the menu to have, the brain power exerted cancels out 1/3 of the calories of the dish.

14) The mental effort required to believe these rules has just used up the equivalent of an average sized chocolate bar.